Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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