So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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