he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
