you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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