I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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