8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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