If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
