You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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