in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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