guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Barsexuality is the new black.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
