If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize