I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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