He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
