Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
