Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
