I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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