shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
