no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
