I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
