Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
