You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
