how can u be prego again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
