i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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