Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
