is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
