My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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