Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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