youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
