3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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