as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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