i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
