im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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