i need an iv and a liver transplant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
