I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
