omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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