think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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