Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The adults are the big ones right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
