So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
