U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
