"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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