Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
