I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
