Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
