4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
