Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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