i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize