This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
