I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
