my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
