Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize