I wish my penis had an off switch
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize