The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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