I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
