I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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