Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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