the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
