When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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