just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
