Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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