Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize