Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
