As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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