Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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