Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
