vagina is talking i cant
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
