After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
