Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
