Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize