Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
