puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize